Bad speeches tend to be more prevalent at weddings than
well-executed ones.
Etiquette coach William Hanson offered Business Insider
some pointers on making a good wedding speech.
He says you want humour, relevant anecdotes, and a
confident delivery, but not cringeworthy innuendo.
It's harder than it sounds.
Wedding season is around the corner, which means there will soon
be countless best men, maids of honour, and fathers or mothers of
the bride trying to figure out how to deliver the perfect speech.
Many couples are also moving away from tradition, and different
members of the wedding party now make speeches at the reception.
Just last week Meghan Markle apparently said she will defy tradition and make a speech
at her May wedding to Prince Harry.
But it's a lot harder than it sounds to strike the balance of
hilarious yet respectful, and memorable but not risqué. We've all
sat through a terrible wedding speech, and they're not that
enjoyable.
Australian etiquette expert Anna Musson told the Daily Mail: "While [it] can
seem hilariously funny to make jokes about old girlfriends or
questionable past behaviour, it's important to keep it clean."
William
Hanson
To find out how to achieve this, Business Insider asked etiquette
coach William Hanson for some pointers on delivering an exemplary
speech.
"It is now very rare to sit through a good wedding speech — the
bad ones are far more prevalent than good, mainly because a lot
of people don't like making them," Hanson said.
"Or, on the other end of the spectrum the orator is so cocky that
the speech they make doesn’t mirror the sophisticated tone of the
wedding day.
"You want something in between confident but not arrogant."
Here are Hanson's top tips for not messing up on the big day:
1. Remember your audience
This is particularly important for the best man's speech,
according to Hanson.
"Remember all of the guests in the room, there might be children
or Great Aunt Edna," he said.
"Things that happened on the stag night or when the groom came up
short should all be left out. I often see a best man's speech
being given by one of the lads to the lads — this can happen on
the stag if needs be, but the wedding speech should make everyone
feel comfortable, with an amusing vignette, and not be laden with
innuendo."
Swap excessive sentiment for self-deprecating humour...
...At least if you're British. "British people don't like
schmaltz or overly sentimental speeches. They much prefer a bit
of self-deprecating humour, as long as it is not vile," Hanson
said.
Remember, the humour is in the delivery
Your speech doesn't have to be packed with one-liners, according
to Hanson. In fact, if you don't consider yourself a naturally
"funny person," you should leave the jokes out, he warned.
"A good speech doesn't have to be hysterical, but heartfelt. You
need to know your limits — humour is in the delivery so even if a
joke is written for you you can completely mess it up."
Throw in a few relevant anecdotes...
"Anecdotes are fine if they serve a purpose, and demonstrate the
character of the bride or groom, not granny or godmother — they
aren’t relevant here. Something along the lines of 'I remember
when Bob came home having met Jane..."
...But brevity is key
According to Hanson, the longest speech — about 10 minutes, not
30 minutes — is usually left until last, and is normally the best
man's, if you're following tradition. For every other speech,
five minutes should be enough. "In terms of anecdotes that means
two each for the shorter speeches and three or max four for the
longer."
Use flash cards
"It depends how good an orator you are, but if you can, try not
to read the speech and instead use bullets on queue cards.
Rehearse it, even record yourself on your phone, and then do it
in front of others before the big day," he advises.
Ease up on the booze before
Photo by Jason Briscoe on
Unsplash
Hanson's advice is normally not to drink at all before giving
your speech. "If you're nervous you'll be inclined to drink too
much and it ruins it for everyone if you're sloshed and can't
speak," he said.
But if this is wildly unrealistic, then at least ease up on the
glasses of fizz before taking the mic.
If you can abide by these rules, the newlyweds should (in theory)
go off to live happily ever after.
Photo by Laura Santana on
Unsplash
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